The Serious Mirth Society

The betterment of one’s own education is a noble pursuit, but really, if you’d just like a good laugh sometime, subscribe to the Oxford English Dictionary’s Word of the Day email. It really is amazing, the language we humans have crafted in order to explain the universe to ourselves. And that’s just in English!

Actually, in a darkly humorous sort of way, you could look at the OED as one of the funniest books ever written, because really, it’s a sad story of how hard we keep trying to make sense of our world by naming and labeling everything and yet continue to persistently and monumentally fail to understand each other, even while trying to speak to each other in the same language.

Thus, it was horribly disappointing to me when, one morning, I received the OED’s message pertaining to the word “Hippophile,” only to discover it wasn’t what I thought it was.

“Bibliophile,” I knew, was a person who loves books. And “astrophile” seemed obvious enough—a lover of stars and astronomy. But it was very disillusioning to learn that a “hippophile” is—wait for it—a lover of horses. I suppose anyone with a rudimentary understanding of Latin would’ve gotten that, but I don’t, and so I didn’t. Horses?

I’ll explain why this was so disheartening: I once had a conversation with a friend about what kind of dog I would get, if I were to get a dog. There was no hesitation—I would like a Shar-Pei. You know, one of those very wrinkly dogs that look like their skin got put on six sizes too big? There is just something about them that is instantly loveable to me. My friend, however, looked at me oddly and said, “Well, I suppose, but only if you think baby hippopotamuses are cute.” Well, obviously.

Hence my excitement when I saw this particular email from the OED. I remember thinking, “Oh look! There are more of us!” only to discover that while there might be more people like me, the hippophiles are not those people.

So I went searching—what do you call people who love hippos? (Note: correct plurals are technically “hippopotamuses” or “hippopotami,” both of which are lots of fun to say out loud.) I learned that “hippopotamus” is technically ancient Greek for “water horse.” I also learned that hippopotami are closely related to whales. And, also, that they’re quite dangerous. (Which is fine—I didn’t want a hippo for a pet, after all.) I also stumbled across a Latin Stack Exchange community where people studying proper Latin constructs posit that they should technically be referred to as “potamohippus,” which is also tremendously fun to say.

Nowhere, however, did I find a word that means “person who loves hippopotamuses.” Which is kind of sad, really. I think there should be a word for everything being loved, even if people say you have a face only your mother could love. But from me to you, happily, I’d like to say that even of the strangest of us can take heart. Somewhere in this universe there is someone who will absolutely adore you, even if it’s the kind of person who thinks that baby hippopotamuses are cute.

Because we’re out there.

For Further Reading: If you don’t have time to read the entire OED for yourself, please read Ammon Shea’s also-wildly-hilarious Reading the OED: One Man, One Year, 21,730 Pages. It’s truly wonderful.